Monday, September 18, 2006
Fuck the Pittsburgh Stealers
You know what I hate more than getting my ass handed to me in my Fantasy league two weeks in a row?
Getting this in the mail:
I received this because I bought a pair of Steelers panties on sale from NFLshop.com several years ago. Despite having bought a Seahawks jersey since then, for some reason the NFL thinks that my $7 underwear are a more accurate reflection of my fan status than the $90 official home Trufant jersey, and sent me this absolutely maddening catalog of Steelers Super Bowl XL Championship memorabilia. Seeing this montage of triumphing Steeler images wreathing a shining depiction of the Lombardi trophy makes my blood boil.
I used to like the Steelers. I liked the Bus and his goofy grin, I liked Bill Cowher and his perma-scowl, and I liked Hines Ward's friendly, cheerful smile. I liked the Terrible Towels, I liked the Steelers' blue collar logo and I liked Pittsburgh's working class hero mystique. I was even rooting for the Steelers to go to the Super Bowl during the playoffs last year. Be careful what you wish for.
I'm not the only one who liked the Steelers. Seemingly, so did the NFL referees officiating Super Bowl XL, because they GAVE THEM THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!
Like, for example, this call, where Ben Roethlisberger allegedly scored a touchdown on a 1 yard quarterback sneak
The NFL rule book states that a touchdown occurs "When any part of the ball, legally in possession of a player inbounds, breaks the plane of the opponent’s goal line, provided it is not a touchback." Since Big Ben DID NOT CROSS THE PLANE, this is not a touchdown. However, that's not what the officials said. The ref ran over to spot the ball just short of the goal line, Roethlisberger moved the ball across despite being COMPLETELY down and, while halfway there, the ref changed his mind about spotting it and threw up his hands, declaring it a touchdown. Thank God we have instant replay to straighten this out! Oh wait...they still called this a touchdown despite indisputable footage that says it wasn't, which furthers my theory that when the head referee sticks his head into that video thing, they actually just watch either porn or reruns of "Coach" rather than footage of the play under review.
Making this worse was the fact that the officials invented a holding penalty against the Seahawks, thus negating a Matt Hasselbeck completion which would have put the 'Hawks squarely in the Red Zone at 1st and Goal. This happened not once, but twice. In the fourth quarter, Hasselbeck completed a pass to Jerramy Stevens which would have placed the ball at the Steelers' one yard line, except the NFL officials again stole it from us with a phantom holding call.
This didn't just happen on plays that would have put the Seahawks in a position to score TDs. This also happened on a touchdown play itself, when the officials called another highly questionable offensive pass interference penalty on Darrell Jackson in the end zone. The game commentators were astounded, since it was obvious that calling him for pushing off was a real stretch. I see more blatant examples of pushing off not called every Sunday. So the NFL officials robbed us of two scoring opportunities as well as a touchdown outright.
I've heard a lot of people say things like, "Well, if the Seahawks played better, it wouldn't have mattered." I'll grant that the 'Hawks did make a few mistakes in the game, most notably allowing Willie Parker to make that 70+ yard touchdown run. However, it DID matter, because every time Seattle's offense showed the slightest sign of momentum, the officials stripped that away with their bullshit fictional penalties.
People might wonder why the NFL would want the Steelers to win. That's simple. Everyone loved the story about Jerome Bettis retiring after playing the Super Bowl in his hometown, and Bill Cowher's longtime thirst for a Super Bowl victory, and the Steelers' legacy in general. I think the NFL simply decided that a Steelers victory would be much more profitable for the team and the league than would a Seahawks victory. More people would buy commemorative videos, and Bettis jerseys, and crappy shit like Steelers imitation Tiffany lamps:
This is why the Steelers were allowed to walk away with the Lombardi trophy without earning it through fairness and superior football play. They stole it with the help of their official accomplices. From now on, I'm calling them the Pittsburgh Stealers, and I've downgraded my Pittsburgh panties to period underwear status: only worth wearing if the possibility exists that I might menstruate all over them.
I hate the Stealers and I hope that Jacksonville destroys them. I wish Roethlisberger had another appendix to rupture. I wish that Willie Parker would suffer a knee blowout or some other season and/or career-ending injury. I wish that someone would sneak up on Troy Polamalu and cut off his hair, thus robbing him of his power. I wish that something would happen to Hines Ward that is so bad he never wants to smile charmingly again. Fuck the Stealers. Maybe I'm being childish about this, but you know what? This child has the right idea:
Because I need to share my righteous anger with the world, I also posted this on my regular RazzyBlog
Getting this in the mail:
I received this because I bought a pair of Steelers panties on sale from NFLshop.com several years ago. Despite having bought a Seahawks jersey since then, for some reason the NFL thinks that my $7 underwear are a more accurate reflection of my fan status than the $90 official home Trufant jersey, and sent me this absolutely maddening catalog of Steelers Super Bowl XL Championship memorabilia. Seeing this montage of triumphing Steeler images wreathing a shining depiction of the Lombardi trophy makes my blood boil.
I used to like the Steelers. I liked the Bus and his goofy grin, I liked Bill Cowher and his perma-scowl, and I liked Hines Ward's friendly, cheerful smile. I liked the Terrible Towels, I liked the Steelers' blue collar logo and I liked Pittsburgh's working class hero mystique. I was even rooting for the Steelers to go to the Super Bowl during the playoffs last year. Be careful what you wish for.
I'm not the only one who liked the Steelers. Seemingly, so did the NFL referees officiating Super Bowl XL, because they GAVE THEM THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!
Like, for example, this call, where Ben Roethlisberger allegedly scored a touchdown on a 1 yard quarterback sneak
The NFL rule book states that a touchdown occurs "When any part of the ball, legally in possession of a player inbounds, breaks the plane of the opponent’s goal line, provided it is not a touchback." Since Big Ben DID NOT CROSS THE PLANE, this is not a touchdown. However, that's not what the officials said. The ref ran over to spot the ball just short of the goal line, Roethlisberger moved the ball across despite being COMPLETELY down and, while halfway there, the ref changed his mind about spotting it and threw up his hands, declaring it a touchdown. Thank God we have instant replay to straighten this out! Oh wait...they still called this a touchdown despite indisputable footage that says it wasn't, which furthers my theory that when the head referee sticks his head into that video thing, they actually just watch either porn or reruns of "Coach" rather than footage of the play under review.
Making this worse was the fact that the officials invented a holding penalty against the Seahawks, thus negating a Matt Hasselbeck completion which would have put the 'Hawks squarely in the Red Zone at 1st and Goal. This happened not once, but twice. In the fourth quarter, Hasselbeck completed a pass to Jerramy Stevens which would have placed the ball at the Steelers' one yard line, except the NFL officials again stole it from us with a phantom holding call.
This didn't just happen on plays that would have put the Seahawks in a position to score TDs. This also happened on a touchdown play itself, when the officials called another highly questionable offensive pass interference penalty on Darrell Jackson in the end zone. The game commentators were astounded, since it was obvious that calling him for pushing off was a real stretch. I see more blatant examples of pushing off not called every Sunday. So the NFL officials robbed us of two scoring opportunities as well as a touchdown outright.
I've heard a lot of people say things like, "Well, if the Seahawks played better, it wouldn't have mattered." I'll grant that the 'Hawks did make a few mistakes in the game, most notably allowing Willie Parker to make that 70+ yard touchdown run. However, it DID matter, because every time Seattle's offense showed the slightest sign of momentum, the officials stripped that away with their bullshit fictional penalties.
People might wonder why the NFL would want the Steelers to win. That's simple. Everyone loved the story about Jerome Bettis retiring after playing the Super Bowl in his hometown, and Bill Cowher's longtime thirst for a Super Bowl victory, and the Steelers' legacy in general. I think the NFL simply decided that a Steelers victory would be much more profitable for the team and the league than would a Seahawks victory. More people would buy commemorative videos, and Bettis jerseys, and crappy shit like Steelers imitation Tiffany lamps:
This is why the Steelers were allowed to walk away with the Lombardi trophy without earning it through fairness and superior football play. They stole it with the help of their official accomplices. From now on, I'm calling them the Pittsburgh Stealers, and I've downgraded my Pittsburgh panties to period underwear status: only worth wearing if the possibility exists that I might menstruate all over them.
I hate the Stealers and I hope that Jacksonville destroys them. I wish Roethlisberger had another appendix to rupture. I wish that Willie Parker would suffer a knee blowout or some other season and/or career-ending injury. I wish that someone would sneak up on Troy Polamalu and cut off his hair, thus robbing him of his power. I wish that something would happen to Hines Ward that is so bad he never wants to smile charmingly again. Fuck the Stealers. Maybe I'm being childish about this, but you know what? This child has the right idea:
Because I need to share my righteous anger with the world, I also posted this on my regular RazzyBlog
